Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

I really want to talk about my experience with Hypnobabies in part because I found the reviews I read a little confusing (but so positive that I just went ahead and bought the home-study course anyway).  What I came across was several glowing reviews where it seemed to have worked just like the mama hoped, and several glowing reviews where either the mama didn't use it or said it didn't work.  This program has hardly any actual negative reviews, and what was there didn't seem very relevant to me. I was a little confused by this--5 stars and she didn't even use it for her birth?  5 stars and she didn't think it worked? I get it now. First, I want to say that if you are using the program, I really encourage you to bring up your Bubble of Peace, or maybe skip this and come back after your birth.  My experience was really different from the one that you are working to cultivate, even though I would definitely recommend the program.  I'm a fan of hypnosis, I co...

Obviously, I'm not pregnant anymore!  In fact, we've just had our 1 month pediatric appointment for this fast-growing boy.  Ian Thomas Kitsye Watt joined us on March 14, 2017 at 3:45 pm.  He was 9 lbs 4 oz and 21 inches long. This birth completely defied our expectations, both because it was so vastly "off course" from what we thought we had planned (ha!) and because nonetheless we found it so tremendously satisfying.  Here we are a few days before this story unfolds. Yes, even the dog is looking in the right direction! Starting around 38 weeks I started having "false labor."  Only, not the braxton-hicks contractions that tighten up part of your belly and make a seasoned mom wonder for a moment.  I mean full-belly, coordinated contractions every 4-15 minutes for six or more hours, complete with sweating or shivering.  They were never uncomfortable, but they were intense, and they left me exhausted.  Every other night for a week, we geared ...

Sunday I was 31 weeks pregnant, and now that I'm having regular prenatals with my home-birth midwife, I decided it was time to face the music that this pregnancy is actually going to result in an actual birth.  My son was born at home, with the same midwife, and while I feel confident it was the right choice for me, my son's birth was many things I wasn't expecting.  It was a lot harder than I anticipated, and rather than coming out feeling like the empowered home-birth mamas I kept reading about, I just felt totally side-swiped by it. Nothing was ever WRONG in that birth, I was always safe and well taken care of, and my son's vitals never indicated that he was stressed or in any danger.  It was just hard.  And extremely painful.  And I felt out of control and like I got run over by a truck.  I didn't even feel particularly great when he was finally born, and I think my exhaustion and overwhelm really delayed our bonding, which might have contributed (a...

8/14/15 For the briefest moment when I woke up this morning, I forgot.  I didn’t wake up thinking I was pregnant, I just forgot about this loss and what’s coming and all the way my plans have been changed.  Then it came crashing down on me so fast and hard that for a minute it was hard to breathe.  But then it settled, and I settled, and now I will go about my day and try not to let this feel like an unbearable burden.

8/13/15 Today I learned my second miscarriage is imminent.  For now, it’s a waiting game, except that (a) we have the power to stop waiting (a prescription for a drug that will bring it on in 4-8 hours) and (b) I’m trying desperately to not sit around and wait. This experience is bringing to light so many things I took for granted.  My first miscarriage showed me that just because it’s relatively easy for me to GET pregnant, doesn’t mean it’s easy to have a second child.  But even then, I operated off of the confident assumption that a healthy pregnancy was just over the horizon and only a matter of time.  Now, I realize that I have to consider the fact that my family might be done growing.  I might find myself a mother to only one person, a role I cherish and am thankful for all hours of the day, but one I never imagined for myself. We haven’t talked about it, but I assume we will start trying again right away.  I am debating whether I want to...