I forgot...

8/14/15

For the briefest moment when I woke up this morning, I forgot.  I didn’t wake up thinking I was pregnant, I just forgot about this loss and what’s coming and all the way my plans have been changed.  Then it came crashing down on me so fast and hard that for a minute it was hard to breathe.  But then it settled, and I settled, and now I will go about my day and try not to let this feel like an unbearable burden.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Birth Story

Image
Obviously, I'm not pregnant anymore!  In fact, we've just had our 1 month pediatric appointment for this fast-growing boy.  Ian Thomas Kitsye Watt joined us on March 14, 2017 at 3:45 pm.  He was 9 lbs 4 oz and 21 inches long. This birth completely defied our expectations, both because it was so vastly "off course" from what we thought we had planned (ha!) and because nonetheless we found it so tremendously satisfying.  Here we are a few days before this story unfolds. Yes, even the dog is looking in the right direction! Starting around 38 weeks I started having "false labor."  Only, not the braxton-hicks contractions that tighten up part of your belly and make a seasoned mom wonder for a moment.  I mean full-belly, coordinated contractions every 4-15 minutes for six or more hours, complete with sweating or shivering.  They were never uncomfortable, but they were intense, and they left me exhausted.  Every other night for a week, we geared ...
Read more

Wait, I'm how old again?

Image
Every once in a while something happens that makes me realize that I'm not the 17-year-old I usually picture in my head.  Many apparent milestones pass me by, but somehow this one just slammed right into me:  I'm the mother of a child who lost a tooth! P.S.  He doesn't ride in the front seat of course... he just likes to come up and push the automatic door buttons for me and I snagged this pic.
Read more

Miscarriage #2, from August

8/16/15 I had the miscarriage tonight.  I took the misotropol because as much as I wanted my body to tell me I was ready, my family was already telling me I was ready.  Tonight I had the opportunity to sequester myself away from the guys, watch movies I wanted, eat a hastily-prepared but tailor-made dinner of grilled cheese, spinach salad, and strawberries with chocolate, and let it come.  I might not have had that chance if I’d waited, and worst of all, I might have tried to squeeze it in among my other responsibilities.  It was never painful enough that I would have had to stop being a mom, a wife, a farmer, and I can think of few things that would have given me less closure than to try and smile through some other activity and not give this my full attention. I caught the tiny embryonic sac (about the size of a dime), the cord tissue, and the placenta.  This time the embryo is too small to see, although with my last miscarriage we could see tiny arm ...
Read more