Hypnobabies - Week 1

Sunday I was 31 weeks pregnant, and now that I'm having regular prenatals with my home-birth midwife, I decided it was time to face the music that this pregnancy is actually going to result in an actual birth.  My son was born at home, with the same midwife, and while I feel confident it was the right choice for me, my son's birth was many things I wasn't expecting.  It was a lot harder than I anticipated, and rather than coming out feeling like the empowered home-birth mamas I kept reading about, I just felt totally side-swiped by it.

Nothing was ever WRONG in that birth, I was always safe and well taken care of, and my son's vitals never indicated that he was stressed or in any danger.  It was just hard.  And extremely painful.  And I felt out of control and like I got run over by a truck.  I didn't even feel particularly great when he was finally born, and I think my exhaustion and overwhelm really delayed our bonding, which might have contributed (along with chronic sleep deprivation and food sensitivities I didn't understand) to my post-partum depression.

I'll write another post soon about why I'm choosing home-birth again this time around, but today I wanted to talk about what I'm doing to try and change the experience this time--the Hypnobabies Home Study Course.

Hypnobabies is a program that uses self-hypnosis to provide "hypno-anesthesia" during "pressure waves" at your "birthing time."  It hinges on the idea that we all have some pretty negative ideas about what the birthing experience should be buried pretty deeply in our subconscious, but that through self-hypnosis we can overcome these preconceived ideas, and make birth a powerful but comfortable experience.

I'm going to be real here--when I first picked up this program, I was a skeptic.  But only of their actual full-blown claims of peaceful, pain-free childbirth.  I have been meditating on and off for the past 5 years, never totally settling into a practice but definitely recognizing the benefits it has on me, and the idea of taking 40 minutes out of my day to listen to positive affirmations about pregnancy, and another 40 minutes to do a deep-relaxation self-hypnosis program seemed like it could do nothing but GOOD for me at this birth.  Practicing sending myself into a state of deep relaxation seemed worth it regardless of whether or not the program delivers on the claims of "pain-free."

But now that I'm a few days into it, I'm coming around a little bit.  First, I noticed a significant change in my thinking from listening to the affirmations over the course of only 3 days.  I knew I was carrying some baggage about my miscarriages with me through this pregnancy (duh), but it became really clear to me that this was the case when I listened to the joyful pregnancy affirmations the first time.  Every time the narrator said something like, "My body is a safe and healthy place for my baby to grow," I cringed, and literally couldn't even repeat the statement in my head.  Babies have NOT always grown up healthy and safe inside my body.  

But the second time I listened, I only felt this vague discomfort about the statement, and repeated it, if a little skeptically.  The third day I listened, I was really in a position to embrace this idea.  Other babies have failed to thrive and grow... but this one seems to be doing great, and neglecting that fact seems to be carrying around fear unnecessarily.

The second thing I experienced is that while listening to my "Safe Space" hypnosis track, I can imagine my live, healthy baby boy in my arms without having a panic attack.  A few weeks before Christmas I got up the nerve (it was stressful, bear with me) to order some baby clothes on a Black Friday Sale.  They were really cute (and cheap) and I was really excited, but also super stressed out about the whole process.  It felt like inviting bad luck, even though I am not really a superstitious person.  Then I got the clothes in the mail and opened them only to have a pretty significant panic attack complete with tears and that can't-catch-my-breath sensation.  I've never had a panic attack before, and it really freaked me out.   At the time, I decided that this was a good indication that I really need to just take things one step at a time, and be grateful for each day I have with this baby and not look too far ahead. 

Then I listened to the Safe Space self-hypnosis track, and found that in that place, I could imagine holding my little boy and stroking his hair (I assume he'll have hair?) and feeling him grip my finger.  Even writing about it now is causing anxiety to rise, but in that "place" I could really connect with him like that.  In fact, it was such a powerful experience that I got really mad at myself for falling asleep the second time I listened to the track, even though they emphasize that the program still works even if you fall asleep, because I wanted to go back to that place and see my baby.

If this all seems a little hippy-dippy, well, it is.  But science tells us that the mind is a complicated place and that altered states of consciousness can have profound effects on our bodies and mental pathways.  I'm not sure I'm sold on the "pain-free" part yet... but I'm definitely glad I bought the program.